Say what??

Following a tradition my brother and I started on the train going home to and from Sofia (last century), I have been collecting funny / bizarre / outrageous things I hear people say for years. Every once in a while, I’ll come up with a Top 10 (hey Midd kinds, remember “Do we take it easy, or do we take it as usual?”).

This time, I am modifying the Top 10 to reflect my experience of someone living in France and teaching English at the “fac”. Some of the statements have been reported to me by other people, but in any event, they are all hilarious. I’d like to dedicate this collection to my flat mates as well as my lovely fellow-lecturers!

10. The word “development” (as well as to develop, development, developing) which did all of Licence 3 in. Regardless of how much effort I put into teaching that one, I am sure my students would still mispronounce it!

9. She Who Has Conceived. I am quoting here from a cover letter I read not too long ago: “Dear Sir or Madam, As I have conceived a project to leave for England, …” Ouch.

8. The three people in STAPS who clearly paid no attention. Listening comprehension on the final exam: “This is a running event. It was inspired by a Greek legend. The contestants run for more than 42 km”. Answer: Sprint.

7. The word “promise”. Seriously. If I heard one more promais, I think I would shoot myself. I can’t believe that all of License 2 walked unscathed after they debauched this simple, everyday word! I have composed a short poem for the occasion (Neli ft Robert Frost)

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice

I say your grade’s fate is dire

As soon as you tell me “promais”.

6. Jonathan (happy) upon guessing where the wine came from (Noz, a Big Lots equivalent where we frequently shop) – “C’est d’chez nous, ca!”

5. The Byblos guy. Now Byblos is this great Lebanese restaurant on Rue St Malo, and the owner is super nice. We went there with the other lecturers to celebrate the end of the term. It went something like that: “Le houmus, le tabouli, la kefta … et ca va venir encoooor”. Stuffed grape leaves, anyone? “There’s more where that came from”. I thought so!

4. The one who wants to make sure everything is OK. This one is the doctor my flat mate Noah shadows at Pontchaillou, the local hospital. The guy is apparently quite fluent in English, and always makes a point of asking Noah whether he understood everything that’s been going on (exchanges are always in French and Noah is not fluent). How does he make sure they are on “the same page”? “Was that good for you?”. How do you even keep a straight face here? Said polite and considerate question is asked many times in the course of the visit!

3. Final Exam, Art History. “Discuss the importance of the Campbell Soup Cans for the development of Andy Warhol’s artistic philosophy” : “Now the one thing which we can state about Warhol is that he was a gay. And together with this he had cans. And the cans were in his philosophy, and with a large importance”. You’re not sayin’!

2. The “proposer”. You know, the guy who is super nice and wants to have a coffee with the Lecteur? Oh, there аre quite a few of those, and they brighten up our lives so! But regardless of how many times you tell them that “propose” is usually done on one knee, ring in hand, they will still “propose a beer”. God bless ‘em, anyway, bad English and all.

1. I haven’t picked the top contender yet. Second semester, here we come!